17, 2009 • Print Article
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Out with the Old, In with the New by
Brent Barnett
Luke 5:36-39 says, "And He was also telling them a parable: 'No one tears a piece of cloth from a new garment and puts it on an old garment; otherwise he will both tear the new, and the piece from the new will not match the old. And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; otherwise the new wine will burst the skins and it will be spilled out, and the skins will be ruined. But new wine must be put into fresh wineskins. And no one, after drinking old wine wishes for new; for he says, "The old is good enough."'"
Jesus' ministry came at a time when Judaism had been severely perverted into an outrageous system of rule keeping with self-righteous teachers presiding as rulers over the people of Israel. Rather than look at how the Old Testament foretold of Christ's coming and sacrifice, they ignored what had come in the person of Christ in exchange for what had been. The Pharisees and many of the Jews had become enslaved to a thinking process that loved the old ways. Now, there is nothing wrong with being nostalgic or reflecting upon the past, but it becomes wrong when it controls us to the extent that we are unable to put it out of our minds. The Jews were so consumed with Moses and the Law that they could not recognize God Himself in their midst. Though they wanted a Messiah, they wanted it their way. They wanted a Messiah Who would bring back the glory days of an earthly kingdom as it had been under David and Solomon. They wanted the past, and because they thought that the old was good enough, they missed the future which was right before their very eyes. They were satisfied with the old wine, and their clouded view of the past led them to miss the new wine in Jesus which was far better.
In order for them to receive the new wine, they needed to realize that they would have to lay aside their system of self-righteous Law-keeping. Jesus preached a message of forgiveness, healing, grace, and life. He didn't come to set up an earthly empire, but He came to demonstrate His eternal power and overcome the world. He didn't come to show that Law-keeping was the way to eternal life, but He Himself fulfilled the Law because no man could do it (Romans 3:23, 8:4). The Law brought condemnation and showed man his inability to keep it (Galatians 3:24). Jesus came to bring life, and life to the full (John 10:10).
Old wineskins were fitting for the old wine. The Law did its job, and it did it well (Romans 7:12). But its job was to point people to the cross and to Christ, Who had come in the flesh. If new wine was available in Jesus, then it made no sense to put it into old wineskins which would break as soon as the wine was poured in. The Law had done its job, and the new wine needed new wineskins. The new wine of forgiveness in Christ needs to go in the new wineskin of grace. We were under law, but now we are under grace (Romans 6:14). The old covenant is over, and the new covenant has been established. Christ is the centerpiece and the focus. We must drink of Him (John 7:37).
If we find ourselves still trying to earn our way into God's favor, we need to lay aside the old and receive the grace and forgiveness of Christ. If we are attempting to manipulate God into giving us what we want in life, we need to stop drinking of the old wine and simply receive the blessings which He graciously gives as He knows best.
Trying to do things on our own strength apart from Christ is like pouring wine into a leaky wineskin. It will never work. Do we want to be full in Christ? Do we want to experience the promised abundant life? Life to the full is found in abandoning the old wine, taking hold of the new wineskin by faith in Christ, and allowing Him to fill us and empower us as He pours the new wine of His grace into our hearts.
Brenton M. Barnett is the founder of the free Bible teaching ministry, Relevant Bible Teaching, found on the web at www.relevantbibleteaching.com. He is also the author of Catch Fire: A Call to Spiritual Awakening. Brent's greatest joys in life are his wife, Sarah, and daughter, Anneke.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
New Year Ramblings
Happy New Year! I hope 2009 will be a purpose-filled and
productive year for you. Hoping, however won't get the job. Purpose and productivity are never accidents. They occur through focused and specific actions that emanate from a vision of what you want to achieve. Purposeful action is just that -- action -- and is never the result of passive wishing or praying. So with that in mind, I hope you will allow me to think out loud as to what kind of 2009 I intend to have, Lord willing.
HARD WORK
I was reflecting the other day on a verse that has impacted my life for the last 25 years. It is found in 1 Corinthians 15:10: "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me." I remember reading an anonymous quote a few years ago that stated, "There are many people who want to change the world who don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon," In other words, wishful thinking won't impact the world unless the thinking translate into action and hard work.
So I have set these goals and objectives for 2009. Have you set yours yet? If not, there's still plenty of time. That's what January and rainy or snowy Sunday afternoons are for.
2009 GOALS
By God's grace and with His help, in 2009 I will:
Improve communication with my audience through Facebook (I already have a page), my website (check out my "Latest New" section on my homepage), my blog and a service called Twitter (where I am @johnstanko).
Delegate more of my work to a team of interested people in the U.S and around the world.
Publish The Faith Files, Volume 2.
Have 90% of my classwork for my Doctor of Ministry completed, including my ministry project.
Resume broadcasting on radio and begin on television.
Hold more leadership training sessions here in my hometown.
Establish a regular savings plan (I have the figure established).
Read 50 books (I finished 54 in 2008).
Resume teaching college classes (I have two scheduled for the coming term).
Work smarter, not harder.
Establish better and more regular streams of revenue from books, training sessions and courses I have written and developed over the years.
I won't bore you with all the specifics of those 11 objectives but I have them. I hope to do these in partnership with my local church, but if that doesn't work out, I am prepared to do them on my own time. So what will you accomplish in 2009? Why not take a moment and share at least one goal for 2009 with the rest of my readers on the site where this entry is posted? Help create a wave of goals from around the world that will stimulate even my most casual reader to take action on a dream today.
From "The Monday Memo from John Stanko"
Happy New Year! I hope 2009 will be a purpose-filled and
productive year for you. Hoping, however won't get the job. Purpose and productivity are never accidents. They occur through focused and specific actions that emanate from a vision of what you want to achieve. Purposeful action is just that -- action -- and is never the result of passive wishing or praying. So with that in mind, I hope you will allow me to think out loud as to what kind of 2009 I intend to have, Lord willing.
HARD WORK
I was reflecting the other day on a verse that has impacted my life for the last 25 years. It is found in 1 Corinthians 15:10: "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me." I remember reading an anonymous quote a few years ago that stated, "There are many people who want to change the world who don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon," In other words, wishful thinking won't impact the world unless the thinking translate into action and hard work.
So I have set these goals and objectives for 2009. Have you set yours yet? If not, there's still plenty of time. That's what January and rainy or snowy Sunday afternoons are for.
2009 GOALS
By God's grace and with His help, in 2009 I will:
Improve communication with my audience through Facebook (I already have a page), my website (check out my "Latest New" section on my homepage), my blog and a service called Twitter (where I am @johnstanko).
Delegate more of my work to a team of interested people in the U.S and around the world.
Publish The Faith Files, Volume 2.
Have 90% of my classwork for my Doctor of Ministry completed, including my ministry project.
Resume broadcasting on radio and begin on television.
Hold more leadership training sessions here in my hometown.
Establish a regular savings plan (I have the figure established).
Read 50 books (I finished 54 in 2008).
Resume teaching college classes (I have two scheduled for the coming term).
Work smarter, not harder.
Establish better and more regular streams of revenue from books, training sessions and courses I have written and developed over the years.
I won't bore you with all the specifics of those 11 objectives but I have them. I hope to do these in partnership with my local church, but if that doesn't work out, I am prepared to do them on my own time. So what will you accomplish in 2009? Why not take a moment and share at least one goal for 2009 with the rest of my readers on the site where this entry is posted? Help create a wave of goals from around the world that will stimulate even my most casual reader to take action on a dream today.
From "The Monday Memo from John Stanko"
Friday, November 28, 2008
Ideas - Vehicles from Present to Future By Justin Pinkerman
After the dismal showing of the Republican Party in the 2008 election cycle, critics both within and without the party blamed the poor performance on a lack of fresh ideas.
While it's debatable which party offers stronger ideas for the future, one thing is certain: people expect leaders to put forth powerful ideas before entrusting them with the authority to lead.
Ideas are vehicles that transport us from what is to what could be; leaders are drivers who seek out the best ideas and pilot them into the future. Of course, the salvation of ideas depends upon more than finding them. Only when we shape, stretch, and apply ideas to our lives do they bring us benefit. However, before an idea is implemented, it must be discovered, and the responsibility for hunting down the best ideas falls squarely on the shoulders of leaders. Let's examine three simple avenues by which leaders can take hold of transformative ideas.
THREE PRACTICAL TIPS FOR ATTAINING THOUGHT LEADERSHIP
1) Spend Time in Reflective Thought
While experiencing the emotions of a tense meeting or the motion of a fast-paced day, it can be difficult to think clearly. Leaders make a habit of withdrawing the reconsider events after they transpire. By doing so, they discover ideas and insights that would otherwise go undetected. In addition, reflective thinking enables a leader to rise above the details of the day and connect ideas to the big picture.
When surrounded by a chirping Blackberry, a buzzing landline, and a bustling office, reflective thinking is a near-impossibility. The search for ideas requires a leader to sequester himself or herself from time to time in order to think without distraction. Leaders must carve out the space for reflective thought by occasionally placing themselves off limits.
2) Tap into Your Social Network
Reflective thinking has merit, but not all ideas are generated in isolation. Important as quiet reflection may be, leaders benefit equally from strolling through the office to solicit the thoughts of colleagues and co-workers. The best thinkers I know have a penchant for asking penetrating questions. In doing so, they draw wisdom out of the repositories of experience and expertise around them.
Thought leaders invest their social capital to come up with innovative ideas. They form clubs or join associations to debate the pressing issues related to their field. They exchange ideas with fellow leaders and accumulate a wealth of knowledge. Some have even solved organizational dilemmas by open-sourcing, allowing experts anywhere (clients, suppliers, academics) to bring their knowledge to bear on a particular problem. Whatever the case, thought leaders initiate conversations with those in their networks to unearth new ideas.
3) Uncover the Lost Art of Leadership... Reading
Precious few leaders invest time to read books and extract ideas from them - to the detriment of the organizations they lead. Authors spend countless days fine-tuning their ideas into paragraphs and chapters before publishing them as a book. Yet, in a matter of a few hours, a leader can access and absorb those ideas. In turn, leaders can apply newfound ideas in their strategy, systems, and organizational dynamics to positively alter the course of their business.
If you doubt the power of a written idea, consider this intellectual progression: Ralph Waldo Emerson's philosophical writings on self-reliance informed and inspired a young man named Henry David Thoreau. Thoreau's application of self-reliance to social injustice prompted him to pen an essay entitled "Resistance to Civil Government". Halfway around the world, Ghandi read Thoreau's essay, and it motivated him to organize India's peaceful protest of Britain's imperial rule. Decades later, Martin Luther King, Jr. would draw encouragement and strength from the writings of Ghandi as he coordinated non-violent resistance to the oppressive systems of racism in America.
Summary
By putting his ideas on paper, Ralph Waldo Emerson initiated a chain reaction that sparked social revolutions on two separate continents! Ideas matter. Unfortunately, they don't fall into our laps. They must be extracted from our relationships and environments through intentionality of thought, interaction, and habit.
In the words of author Bill Taylor, "The only sustainable form of business leadership is thought leadership." Products have limited shelf life, competitive advantages can be copied, and the technology of today will be obsolete tomorrow. Ideas, on the other hand, will always be in demand, and "leader" will always be the name given to the person who finds and applies them.
While it's debatable which party offers stronger ideas for the future, one thing is certain: people expect leaders to put forth powerful ideas before entrusting them with the authority to lead.
Ideas are vehicles that transport us from what is to what could be; leaders are drivers who seek out the best ideas and pilot them into the future. Of course, the salvation of ideas depends upon more than finding them. Only when we shape, stretch, and apply ideas to our lives do they bring us benefit. However, before an idea is implemented, it must be discovered, and the responsibility for hunting down the best ideas falls squarely on the shoulders of leaders. Let's examine three simple avenues by which leaders can take hold of transformative ideas.
THREE PRACTICAL TIPS FOR ATTAINING THOUGHT LEADERSHIP
1) Spend Time in Reflective Thought
While experiencing the emotions of a tense meeting or the motion of a fast-paced day, it can be difficult to think clearly. Leaders make a habit of withdrawing the reconsider events after they transpire. By doing so, they discover ideas and insights that would otherwise go undetected. In addition, reflective thinking enables a leader to rise above the details of the day and connect ideas to the big picture.
When surrounded by a chirping Blackberry, a buzzing landline, and a bustling office, reflective thinking is a near-impossibility. The search for ideas requires a leader to sequester himself or herself from time to time in order to think without distraction. Leaders must carve out the space for reflective thought by occasionally placing themselves off limits.
2) Tap into Your Social Network
Reflective thinking has merit, but not all ideas are generated in isolation. Important as quiet reflection may be, leaders benefit equally from strolling through the office to solicit the thoughts of colleagues and co-workers. The best thinkers I know have a penchant for asking penetrating questions. In doing so, they draw wisdom out of the repositories of experience and expertise around them.
Thought leaders invest their social capital to come up with innovative ideas. They form clubs or join associations to debate the pressing issues related to their field. They exchange ideas with fellow leaders and accumulate a wealth of knowledge. Some have even solved organizational dilemmas by open-sourcing, allowing experts anywhere (clients, suppliers, academics) to bring their knowledge to bear on a particular problem. Whatever the case, thought leaders initiate conversations with those in their networks to unearth new ideas.
3) Uncover the Lost Art of Leadership... Reading
Precious few leaders invest time to read books and extract ideas from them - to the detriment of the organizations they lead. Authors spend countless days fine-tuning their ideas into paragraphs and chapters before publishing them as a book. Yet, in a matter of a few hours, a leader can access and absorb those ideas. In turn, leaders can apply newfound ideas in their strategy, systems, and organizational dynamics to positively alter the course of their business.
If you doubt the power of a written idea, consider this intellectual progression: Ralph Waldo Emerson's philosophical writings on self-reliance informed and inspired a young man named Henry David Thoreau. Thoreau's application of self-reliance to social injustice prompted him to pen an essay entitled "Resistance to Civil Government". Halfway around the world, Ghandi read Thoreau's essay, and it motivated him to organize India's peaceful protest of Britain's imperial rule. Decades later, Martin Luther King, Jr. would draw encouragement and strength from the writings of Ghandi as he coordinated non-violent resistance to the oppressive systems of racism in America.
Summary
By putting his ideas on paper, Ralph Waldo Emerson initiated a chain reaction that sparked social revolutions on two separate continents! Ideas matter. Unfortunately, they don't fall into our laps. They must be extracted from our relationships and environments through intentionality of thought, interaction, and habit.
In the words of author Bill Taylor, "The only sustainable form of business leadership is thought leadership." Products have limited shelf life, competitive advantages can be copied, and the technology of today will be obsolete tomorrow. Ideas, on the other hand, will always be in demand, and "leader" will always be the name given to the person who finds and applies them.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Portable Comfort Zones
How many times have you heard someone say that you need to get out of or expand your comfort zone? Have you ever said it to yourself? Yet I am not sure that I comfort zone is really a comfort zone. I think it may be a fear zone, for there a whole lot of people I have talked to who are anything but comfortable in their supposed comfort zone. If you would like to explore the possibility that your comfort zone isn't what you think it is, then I invite you to read on.
FEAR ZONE
Let's consider the apostles for a moment, shall we? These were men who were with Jesus until He left earth, when His last instructions were for them to go to the ends of the earth. The apostles, whose name in Greek means "sent forth," were afraid to venture out of Jerusalem because they did not like to be around Gentiles. Even though God had spoken to them, they were stuck in a zone, but it was anything but comfortable for them.
Their comfort zone was really a fear zone. They were afraid of missing the Lord, of what other Jews would say and think, of doing the wrong thing, of touching the unclean, of venturing out into new things and contact with people who didn't think and act like they did. While it appeared that they were in their comfort zone, they were not. How could they be comfortable with so much fear and trepidation?
It wasn't until they got free from their fear and hang-ups that they could be comfortable with who and where they were and then embrace what they needed to do and be. I would say that the first step in venturing out of one's comfort zone is to be truly at comfort and ease with your present reality -- with who you are and what God has purposed for you to do.
PORTABLE COMFORT ZONES
I found this true in my own life. Until I discovered who I was and stopped pretending to be who I wasn't, I could not venture out of my little world. I only wanted to be with people like me because I was afraid to confront people who thought and acted differently than I. I could not venture out of my comfort zone because I didn't have a comfort zone. I only had a fortress that was built to keep me in and others out. I also didn't want to try new things or venture into the unknown. That's all changed today. I know who I am and therefore I am free to change and make mistakes trying.
So are you in a comfort zone or a fear zone that you are trying to disguise as comfortable? Are you afraid or are you so comfortable with who you are and what God has given you to do that you can experiment and learn new things? Don't worry too much about getting out of your comfort zone until you find where it truly is.
When you do that, you will have the courage and self understanding that will enable you to actually carry our comfort zone into the new and uncomfortable. You will have portable and expandable comfort zones that go where you go, because your comfort zone isn't external but internal. When you achieve that, you will learn, grow and be the person of purpose that God always intended you to be. Have a great week!
FEAR ZONE
Let's consider the apostles for a moment, shall we? These were men who were with Jesus until He left earth, when His last instructions were for them to go to the ends of the earth. The apostles, whose name in Greek means "sent forth," were afraid to venture out of Jerusalem because they did not like to be around Gentiles. Even though God had spoken to them, they were stuck in a zone, but it was anything but comfortable for them.
Their comfort zone was really a fear zone. They were afraid of missing the Lord, of what other Jews would say and think, of doing the wrong thing, of touching the unclean, of venturing out into new things and contact with people who didn't think and act like they did. While it appeared that they were in their comfort zone, they were not. How could they be comfortable with so much fear and trepidation?
It wasn't until they got free from their fear and hang-ups that they could be comfortable with who and where they were and then embrace what they needed to do and be. I would say that the first step in venturing out of one's comfort zone is to be truly at comfort and ease with your present reality -- with who you are and what God has purposed for you to do.
PORTABLE COMFORT ZONES
I found this true in my own life. Until I discovered who I was and stopped pretending to be who I wasn't, I could not venture out of my little world. I only wanted to be with people like me because I was afraid to confront people who thought and acted differently than I. I could not venture out of my comfort zone because I didn't have a comfort zone. I only had a fortress that was built to keep me in and others out. I also didn't want to try new things or venture into the unknown. That's all changed today. I know who I am and therefore I am free to change and make mistakes trying.
So are you in a comfort zone or a fear zone that you are trying to disguise as comfortable? Are you afraid or are you so comfortable with who you are and what God has given you to do that you can experiment and learn new things? Don't worry too much about getting out of your comfort zone until you find where it truly is.
When you do that, you will have the courage and self understanding that will enable you to actually carry our comfort zone into the new and uncomfortable. You will have portable and expandable comfort zones that go where you go, because your comfort zone isn't external but internal. When you achieve that, you will learn, grow and be the person of purpose that God always intended you to be. Have a great week!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
How's Your Self-Awareness?
How would you rate your self-awareness in general? What about your relationship self-awareness? Are they the same, perhaps similar; or do you see these two areas as distinct from one another? Questioning yourself can help raise your self-awareness. However, the questions you ask need to be deeper and more meaningful then the ones you would use as a measure of how you appear to others. These more thoughtful questions will help you to probe the center of who you really are. Without knowing this you can't learn to accept and love the person inside. This is essential for all change to take place. Otherwise you become stuck in beliefs and behaviors that determine the outcomes in your life.
So, what are meaningful questions? For starters; they are always the harder ones that lead you to look closely in the mirror for all your features, good and bad. In compiling a list for yourself; it may be helpful to break questions into categories. As an example, you could begin with career, social, intimate relationships, spiritual and financial. If you would like to add or subtract from the list, do so. Be creative and let your mind play with all possibilities.
Now begin to develop your questions. Start with the simple ones first and move to the deeper and more difficult ones to answer. The following are examples of questions you may “want to try on”.
Career:
• Do I like what I do?
• Do I feel as if I am being challenged to my ability?
• Am I doing THIS because I believe I am incapable of doing what I really want?
• Is there a problem with my attitude about working that gets in my way?
• Am I realistic about my work goals?
Social:
• Do I have an adequate social support system?
• Is there a piece missing for me socially?
• Do I enjoy my friends or are they people I socialize with because I can't meet the kind of people I would like to?
• Am I lonely?
• Am I a GOOD friend to others?
Intimate Relationships:
• Am I satisfied with the men/women I date?
• Am I meeting the kind pf person I would like to connect with?
• Do I exhibit attitudes or behaviors that prevent me from meeting and dating appropriate people?
• Do I really want to be in a long-term committed relationship?
• How would I feel if I never met “the right one”?
Spiritual:
• Do I believe in God or a higher power?
• Is this an important aspect of my life?
• Do I believe that my potential mate must share my beliefs in this area?
Financial:
• Do I earn an adequate amount of money to satisfy my basic needs/wants?
• How important to my happiness is money?
• Will the earning power of my potential mate be very important in my decision about who that person will be?
As you can see from this list of questions; your general self-awareness flows over into ALL aspects of your life. Therefore, knowing yourself impacts every part of your being.
I encourage you to ask yourself these questions, add new ones to the list, and keep probing until you have explored the deepest parts of who you are and where you want to go.
Q. My sense of self at work is good. However, I seem to be clueless when it comes to friendships and intimate relationships. Is this common? What can I do about it?
A. Actually, many people report that their professional selves are well known to them. They can discuss their strengths, weaknesses and long term goals with good clarity and a fair acceptance of who they are when in their work environment. This may not apply to everyone all the time; however it is generally so. These same people often report that they struggle with who they are, what they want and where they are going, outside of work. This is due to the fact that we often have differing levels of self-awareness that go along with our different roles. There will always be parts of our personalities that we see clearly in all aspects of our lives; but others can remain elusive, confusing or just unknown.
Raising our relationship self-awareness requires placing more focus on this particular area. Your job requires that you look hard at your strengths and weaknesses and evaluates you on how well you work to improve the problem areas. There is little opportunity for this in relationships. Our “rewards” are success in creating healthy, happy connections. Therefore, you need to do your own evaluation. Work with the questions. Move on to more difficult ones as you answer each. Taking risks such as asking others for their feedback could offer additional insights and learning.
Q. How do I know if I'm answering my own questions honestly?
A. Self-deception is a trap that we all have to work to avoid. As you ask yourself each question, reflect as far back as you can to all past relationships. Examine each answer carefully and challenge yourself by looking at your answers from both a positive and a NEGATIVE viewpoint. Make sure you also do an inventory of past relationships in general. Were they healthy? Do they still exist or how did they end? Did /do you feel satisfied with them? What feedback did/do you get from friends and significant others about yourself? Work to be honest with yourself. The answers are within you.
So, what are meaningful questions? For starters; they are always the harder ones that lead you to look closely in the mirror for all your features, good and bad. In compiling a list for yourself; it may be helpful to break questions into categories. As an example, you could begin with career, social, intimate relationships, spiritual and financial. If you would like to add or subtract from the list, do so. Be creative and let your mind play with all possibilities.
Now begin to develop your questions. Start with the simple ones first and move to the deeper and more difficult ones to answer. The following are examples of questions you may “want to try on”.
Career:
• Do I like what I do?
• Do I feel as if I am being challenged to my ability?
• Am I doing THIS because I believe I am incapable of doing what I really want?
• Is there a problem with my attitude about working that gets in my way?
• Am I realistic about my work goals?
Social:
• Do I have an adequate social support system?
• Is there a piece missing for me socially?
• Do I enjoy my friends or are they people I socialize with because I can't meet the kind of people I would like to?
• Am I lonely?
• Am I a GOOD friend to others?
Intimate Relationships:
• Am I satisfied with the men/women I date?
• Am I meeting the kind pf person I would like to connect with?
• Do I exhibit attitudes or behaviors that prevent me from meeting and dating appropriate people?
• Do I really want to be in a long-term committed relationship?
• How would I feel if I never met “the right one”?
Spiritual:
• Do I believe in God or a higher power?
• Is this an important aspect of my life?
• Do I believe that my potential mate must share my beliefs in this area?
Financial:
• Do I earn an adequate amount of money to satisfy my basic needs/wants?
• How important to my happiness is money?
• Will the earning power of my potential mate be very important in my decision about who that person will be?
As you can see from this list of questions; your general self-awareness flows over into ALL aspects of your life. Therefore, knowing yourself impacts every part of your being.
I encourage you to ask yourself these questions, add new ones to the list, and keep probing until you have explored the deepest parts of who you are and where you want to go.
Q. My sense of self at work is good. However, I seem to be clueless when it comes to friendships and intimate relationships. Is this common? What can I do about it?
A. Actually, many people report that their professional selves are well known to them. They can discuss their strengths, weaknesses and long term goals with good clarity and a fair acceptance of who they are when in their work environment. This may not apply to everyone all the time; however it is generally so. These same people often report that they struggle with who they are, what they want and where they are going, outside of work. This is due to the fact that we often have differing levels of self-awareness that go along with our different roles. There will always be parts of our personalities that we see clearly in all aspects of our lives; but others can remain elusive, confusing or just unknown.
Raising our relationship self-awareness requires placing more focus on this particular area. Your job requires that you look hard at your strengths and weaknesses and evaluates you on how well you work to improve the problem areas. There is little opportunity for this in relationships. Our “rewards” are success in creating healthy, happy connections. Therefore, you need to do your own evaluation. Work with the questions. Move on to more difficult ones as you answer each. Taking risks such as asking others for their feedback could offer additional insights and learning.
Q. How do I know if I'm answering my own questions honestly?
A. Self-deception is a trap that we all have to work to avoid. As you ask yourself each question, reflect as far back as you can to all past relationships. Examine each answer carefully and challenge yourself by looking at your answers from both a positive and a NEGATIVE viewpoint. Make sure you also do an inventory of past relationships in general. Were they healthy? Do they still exist or how did they end? Did /do you feel satisfied with them? What feedback did/do you get from friends and significant others about yourself? Work to be honest with yourself. The answers are within you.
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